St. Patrick's Day

I have found that it doesn't matter the holiday, it is going to be a day that I miss Kaden even more than usual. Today is St Patrick's day and Saturday (March 20th) would have been my due date in 2009 so that means if things would have gone like they were suppose to we would be getting ready to celebrate Kaden's first birthday. It is weird to think of that since Kaden was born on Christmas day but still. Then Easter is coming up right around the corner which just happends to be Breanna's birthday this year and Ashley's is just four days behind hers. Last Easter I was able to tell myself who better for Kaden to hear about the story of Easter from than Jesus himself but I don't know if that will help this year when this year he would have been able to walk and actually do an egg hunt himself.

I am still sprinkling confetti on Kaden's grave for holidays. It was suggested to me by a friend whose youngest son was still born 13 years ago. I find that is does help a small bit and it is a way for me to decorate Kaden's grave site. I have found a website that you can order from and they have all shapes and colors.

I did not want to get out of bed today and I am going to celebrate with friends and family tonight and I am already dreading it. I am sure once I am there I will have a good time I just don't even want to go right now. Just want to curl up on the couch with a book and take a nap. I know it doesn't do me any good and I am sure if Kaden were here I would get a babysitter so I could go out with my friends and family but now that I don't have him here with me anymore he is all I want.

Kaden's Mommy